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Casual Sexism

 We've been in New England for four days, and already I've been subjected to more casual sexism than I get in a year in Chattanooga. These experiences include-

I was having a very nice conversation with a checkout clerk, and telling a story  about an especially dramatic delivery, where an ice-cold woman totally lost control of herself during labor, even refusing to look at her newborn child. It's a funny story, capped by her confession of behaving badly but also by my complete acceptance and forgiveness of her. We all lose it when we're in pain and having a new experience. Another woman at the desk cut me off, asking in an aggressive and hectoring tone "Have you ever had a baby? Have you? Have you ever, had, a, baby!?" The person with whom I was speaking attempted to explain that I'm an OBG, but she cut her off, saying "That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking do you know anything about what it's like to have a baby?"

The second occurred with a very pleasant server with whom we were having a very good time. We ordered appetizers, one for me and one to share, by intent. When I said so as the server was putting down the plates she said to Kim "Always thinking about himself, huh?"

This has occurred in a milieu that actively celebrates trans 'men' and 'women' as 'normal', promotes Black Lives Matter, and marks businesses as 'certified woman owned'. Everything and anything is good, as long as it's not a straight, married, white man who provides for a family. 

I put up with this for years in practice- you wouldn't know, you're a man (sneering), what do you know about period cramps, I like you but I want to see a woman- do you have any recommendations, I don't want a man examining me in labor, I want to see a midwife....On and on and on. For 39 years I've kept my mouth shut simply as a way to make a living. 

Not any more.

I buried that woman at the checkout desk. I noted that I had a 5,000 delivery experience and I knew far better than she who is totally out of control in labor. And I furiously replied to the server as well. Any man who spoke to a woman as these women spoke to me would be savaged. There's no difference. A history of oppression is not an excuse to mistreat me, especially me, who has spent a lifetime listening to and caring for women, literally saving their lives and their babies' lives.

So, in reply....

You think you know about delivering a baby because you did it a couple of times. Maybe you watched a friend deliver, or helped a friend deliver. Perhaps you're a doula, or even a midwife....Well, let's talk about that. You're right. I've never delivered a baby from my own body. We don't insist our cardiologists have heart disease, or our pulmonologists asthma, or our GI doctors Crohn's disease to accept that they know the problem and sympathize. Also, your sample of one, or two, or ten, I exceeded 30 days into my internship. I delivered 300 babies with my own hands as an intern. in 6 months, and assisted in about 700 more. And for you sneering, supercilious midwives, you got certified when you had done 25 deliveries, about the number I did in my first month. So your expertise is worth what one MONTH  of my 4 year residency is worth. So just how capable are you?

Regarding sharing, or any other aspect of my relationship with my wife, who the hell are you to comment? You know exactly nothing of what we're doing, what happened today, or anything else for that matter. For all you know, my wife is allergic to salmon, you dumb mouthy tart, so think twice before you  casually insult the person paying the bills.

Every version of childbearing and raising is now celebrated except a heterosexual married couple. Gay couples, single moms, trans couples- anything is fine. Each of these is justified as better than some heterosexual married couples, each boasts there is no abusive MAN in the home. Except, as noted and referenced heavily in this blog, elective fatherlessness has horrible outcomes. We wail about race, poverty, prejudice, redlining- anything and everything except the single strongest predictor for prison, delinquency, dropping out of school, substance abuse, and social dysfunction- fatherlessness. I realize your heroine boasted that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. How's that working for you? How's that working for your child? Believe me, I get a great deal of schadenfreude from the single moms who complain about the difficulties of raising a child alone. Absolutely nobody told you to do that, but you just had to, huh? 

In my neighborhood today, a tree fell, and was cleared immediately by three neighbors with chain saws. Three MEN with chain saws. Did a woman show up with a chain saw? No. Several women waited around while the men cleaned up. And somehow those nice, strong, independent woman who don't need a man always ask for the help of a man in carrying boxes, lifting suitcases, digging holes, mowing lawns, loading cars. Where are all those nice, strong women who load heavy appliances for men who pull up in mini vans? I know- they're sneering at men who they say are trying to prove their masculinity by lifting heavy objects. By all means, ladies, do it your damned selves if you're so smart and strong.

I have provided handsomely for my wife and children. I have honorably and ably served more than 70,000 women, done more than 5,000 deliveries. And when I come to your store or restaurant, I expect to be served graciously, without a helping of sexism. And you can address me as 'sir'. I've earned it, and take your damnable casual sexism and sneering and go to hell. Until you have done what I have done, you have absolutely nothing to say to me or to society. You're the sexist pig, not me.

Ted

Comments

  1. AnonymousMay 6, 2022 at 9:25 PM

    Excellent Ted

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 7, 2022 at 4:56 AM

    Read every word, love the reasoning and sentiment. Last month we had 2 much more minor but notable things happen. Walking into a restaurant the clean-cut male the doubledoor slap back in my wife's face twice. Later, I held the door as a similarly aged female was exiting and she was pleasantly surprised. We figured these were cultural norms. But, there was an opportunity for some human curtesy and eye contact lost.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brad HouserMay 7, 2022 at 9:40 AM

    Well said my friend.

    ReplyDelete

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