Skip to main content

Hi all-

I remain grateful for everyone's support. I am especially touched by postings from patients. Your concern gives me a sense that I have helped and touched those who have trusted me with their care.

I want to say something about belief and faith. We tend to use the word 'belief' meaning to accept something for which there is not simply no evidence but which requires the suspension of intellectual understanding. For example, we talk about belief in Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny.

The origin of the term belief is from old english, and is related to the word life. Its original meaning was a verbal representation of those ideas and values that formed the basis of your world view and actions. Belief, then, had nothing to do with the unprovable or unlikely, a fantastical acceptance of the unprovable. It was that which formed the very bedrock of your life. We might more accurately use the term worldview, given the 'creep' in the meaning of belief.

Faith implies a further sense of acceptance of that which we can not see or prove. There is then a difference between faith, which of its nature implies acceptance and trust in something we can not see or prove, and belief, which today is used so commonly as a synonym for faith, but is not.

Do we really believe in the power of God? Do we really believe in the forgiveness of sin? Are these ideas part of our worldview, our beliefs? Do we have faith that we will some day be in the rpesence of God? What do we really believe?

I try very hard to accept the idea that I would be acceptable to God, that my 'manifold sins and weaknesses', to use the Episcopalian construction, could be forgiven. I don't think that I have incorporated such a construct into my worldview. I remain in a less useful, and I think from a theological viewpoint, less accurate, construct- that I must try to justify my existence on the planet, adn somehow earn my forgiveness.

I am not a fan of Paul, but here I think he has it right- we are not justified by works, but by faith alone. Here I don't know the Greek word used, but I would suggest that 'belief' in the old english sense, is the better term. As Jesus said, if you believe, you will be clean. We do not get clean in order to believe, we believe in order that we may be clean. This was the original meaning of baptism- a ritual bath that signified the individual's change of heart. We are not baptized to make us 'visible' to God and the church, our baptism should be a voluntary physical example of our spiritual conversion.

Intellectually, I understand all this, and I can spout about it in theoretical terms. It is hard for me to live it, to 'believe' it. I keep feeling like the enormous blessing of new life and health, given to me by another, will be taken away because of my many failings. It is absolutely amazing to me that I, flawed as I am, could have such a blessing NOT taken away from me.

The practical expression of my inner conflict is an obsessive awareness of renal function, tracking of numbers, etc, as if by my intellectual effort I can somehow keep my new kidney working. There is a time for intellectual and obsessive effort, and there is a time for belief. This is a time for belief, it just comes very hard to me.

Ted  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is Forgiveness

 In doing years of medical teaching, I have told students that teaching and learning are not directly related. I can teach and teach, but you may never learn. Conversely, you may learn continuously without me teaching you a thing. 'I teach' and 'you learn' are two separate, active processes that may overlap or coincide. The same is true of forgiveness. I am an unforgiving man. I am the very opposite of God, who is slow to anger and of great kindness. I am quick to anger and very slow to forgive. I'm kind and insightful with people generally, but when mistreated or insulted I am not kind at all, nor do I forget, or forgive.  The Bible tells us to do something else. We are told to forgive. In Matthew 18:21, Peter asks Jesus how often he should forgive his brother's sin. The Jewish standard was three times. Like the young man in the story of the Samaritan, who asks who his brother is in order to know to whom he should be loving, Peter appears to be asking for guida...
Post a Comment
Read more

My Broken Tooth

 I broke a tooth today. I've done that before; I inherited my mother's horrible teeth, and if not for crowns I would have the smile of any drug-addicted homeless man in the street. But the tooth broke, rather than the crown coming off. I've had that happen a couple of times, and it's nothing. After all, the tooth is just fake, held on by cements similar to the ones I use for my models. This time, however, I have to have the root extracted so I can get the modern version of a bridge. And this new dental experience has reduced to me to jelly, this not helped by the condescending, sexist comments of the dental assistant. I have a long, longe memory, my first recollections coming from age 2. I have well-developed, detailed memories from age 3 onward. I vividly recall being at the dentiswt as a child, when it was fashionable to fill baby teeth. I can recall being left there by my mother as a 14 year old, on the day I was paid for working as 'the 5th ace' at Camp Maga...
1 comment
Read more

Politically Correct Dishonor

The Biblical prophets warned aloud that devastation would come to those who were unclean. Those that profaned God and the house of God, those who were drunken, fornicators, idolators, those that cheated, that gave unclean offerings. Israel was warned of the consequences of their behavior. And God did not punish Israel. Rather, by walking away from God, Israel simply suffered the consequences of its behavior and choices. I chose, I chose , to live, to receive a transplant. I struggled to have the surgery that prolonged my life, I accepted the gift of a kidney from a whole person that I might live. I was convinced by family and friends that I had some role in the world, something I might contribute. And I believed that. My idea of contribution was to teach, to give to others what I had learned to do. But I have lived to see injustice. To see self-interest and greed triumph over not merely right but reason as well. I see incompetence passed off as expertise, the mundane as the s...
2 comments
Read more